new years eve

I almost forgot that it was New Years Eve. At least the sun came out for a bit. Alyssa will most likely get the Christmas totes and get the decorations put up. It has driven me crazy to have it all still around the house.

Jessica seems to be in a mood again. I told her that she was just going to have to give up her new nightgown to be washed. She has only worn it for the last four days. Both the gown and her room smelled with a teenage boy's locker room. She put on her other new gown which is pink floral but with short sleeves. It took several occasions of complimenting her gown to put her in a decent mood.  This evening Gary and I decided to go to the local Chinese food resuturant but Jessica wanted up to bring her something to eat. This is so not like her to turn down going out. But we all decided just to bring the food home (and pick up a cheeseburger and fries for Jessica).

Tina showed up yesterday for one of her surprise visits but came with good news. Joey, her oldest has straightened up and is working a job at a local prison and both Rusty, the middle son, and the youngest, Shane have moved out. Her husband, Joe, is now physically looking for a job, any job. She also has a chance on getting a job in the dietary dept of a nursing home. I hope she gets AND keeps it. Her issues due to a famial rape has kept her from keeping jobs.

I envy the idea of going back to work. Just a short walk through Walmart can put me in pain for hours. Somehow I don't think the Lord would want me to be unproductive and not do anything for my family. I don't think I was put on this Earth to just sit around and be bored for the rest of my days. It makes me so upset to think that is all my life will be. But what can I do? G-d keeps giving me this artistic urge but I don't know what to do with it. I hope G-d hears my prayers and at least lets me dream about my path. I don't think I know it and want to know so badly. I just cannot believe this is all I'm supposed to do.  I would love to know the messages that the angels send. I ask the angels to bless me with clairvoyance so I can decipher those messages but nothing. I wish I could be blessed with the talents of Doreen Virtue so I could know what the angels and G-d are saying to me.

Maybe if I keep praying someone will hear my cry .